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How to Win Elections and Influence Millennials

Posted on
November 3, 2016
by Holly Wertman
In one of the best attempts to stir millennial enthusiasm for Hillary Clinton (or simply hatred for Trump), feminist icon and current senior producer at Vox.com, Liz Plank, uses more words found on urban dictionary than any GOTV ad we’ve seen this election cycle.

While both campaigns (especially Clinton who has been trying to fill the shoes of millennial darling Bernie Sanders) have had a lot of cringe-worthy attempts at pandering to millennials, Plank, in her new video featuring Tony Goldwyn from Shonda Rhimes’ hit show, Scandal, gives a pretty straightforward process of how to get it right.

A Comprehensive Guide on Pandering to Millennials:

Step 1: utilize a celebrity (since it doesn’t always go well when politicians try to pander themselves) preferably a heart-throb from a critically acclaimed TV show – one that plays a President who has often gotten higher approval ratings than both Clinton and Trump.

Step 2: Give that man a “woke” script, pretending to be the new speechwriter. Address the speech mostly to “the dudes,” and speak from the heart, from “One Bro-seph Gordon Levitt to another” to tell them how to be better allies to women.

Step 3: Have the faux-president acknowledge the hardships that women have faced in 2016, from campus sexual assaults to “Ryan Gosling having a second baby.” Understand that it’s been a tough year for the first female candidate (who is currently having to deal with Anthony Weiner’s mistakes), and women everywhere (except in Canada where there is no tax on Tampons and a shirtless Justin Trudeaux sighting is significantly more likely) who are often being treated as less than human.

Step 4: Tell your “fellow broskis” to stop talking about their connections to their wives, daughters, aunts, etc. when admonishing sexual assault (as so many of the Republican leaders did when they were “blindsided” by the Access Hollywood tapes), and defend women because they are people, not because you’re married to one. Also tell them to stop mansplaining the correct pronunciation of “gif.”

Step 5: Inspire the future generations, showing them how “nasty woman” can be a compliment. Have ‘President Woke’ tell the audience that even he is “such a nasty woman, and one day, you can be one too.”

Step 6: End your video with a shout-out to the queen; “God Bless America, and God Bless Beyonce”.

Scandal’s President Fitzgerald Grant even goes “off-script” at the end, making a good point about redefining masculinity, or at least not letting it be defined by Donald Trump. Liz Plank, who has gained popularity through a deep understanding of women’s issues and hilarious critiques on male-dominated society, overall created a great guide for any politician who wants to successfully reach out to the younger generation: cast well & stay woke.
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